Yesterday Mom opened your kitbag for the first time. She took out all of your staff, holding them, crying, stroking, crying, smelling and feeling, crying and crying…
I stood next to her, speechless. Still and silent- I watched her taking them one by one. Then…. Then she put out bunch of papers, rolled together with a blue hard band,
You saved the letters!!!
The letters I sent you for the last three years when you traveled and traveled
The letters I wrote with my heart blood, wrapping the words with my longing
The letters I used to color, to decorate, to hide in the crescents cookies you liked so much
The letters I asked every family member to write, putting them together for you
These letters, you saved!!
I melt my soul out. Felt my heart bit hovering between my sobs- there, next to your kitbag. Next to our mother.
Hey, you, I am your dying sister who loves you so much!!!
My mom wanted me to take them, the letters you saved.
but I couldn’t.
The papers are still rolled in that blue band,
One day I will open them, breath them into my bones.
Now I can’t.