I am dying after my brother.
And I am walking by myself
And crying for myself
And cutting to myself
And afraid of myself
And sitting for coffee, by myself
And I am choosing by myself my fears, my loves, my desires.
And I am scaring and surprising myself
And lounging and playing and lying
And confronting myself, with myself
And going to sleep with the false and the truth of myself
And wake up on the morning to realize I am here alone with myself.
Wandering
So much of it
Bags plodded along day by day
As I have been lost
Inside a tired mission statement
Inside a sleeping bag full of red ants
On a sea voyage without a compass
In a night remorse without a scruple
.
Traveling
So much of it
The trees passed one by one
As I have been stuck
Inside a National Geographic loop
Inside a nature party track
On a loss of senses of too much painkillers
I don’t know what’s in your mind
That pretty little wild spark in your eyes
That pure lightening you could send from your heart
And make me hop, hope, cope
Everything.
I don’t know what’s in your mind, brother
That long legs of your are still dancing?
That wave of thoughts we shared is still storming?
And could you make me feel, kill, heal
For you?
I don’t know what’s in your mind, partner
And I can’t help a thing,
Anything.
So many boxes in a silent room
So little light
All dust
All burst
When I open the door
More boxes in the silent room
More of then every day
All are mine
All are yours
Yet it’s only me to open the door
Please come back.
Cut cut
The movie must stop
I will block your camera
if you’ll try to shut me up
Down down
It’s all have been done
Now let it bleed, let it hurt
Just cut me in
And I’ll cut you out
It is not I, who I am
I do not have anything at all
I do not have a thing that was made out of new
I do not have a thing that was casted out of old
I do not have a thing that is anything
Or something that has a naught
I have a thing I do not know what it is
Or what is it
I am not a fire and I am not a smoke
Burning for desist
I do not have in me no piety or piousness
Yearning for Relation to God
I am not a spirit and not a body
Hovering above the water
A bit before the light
A bit after the chaos
I am a dying sister
I want to look into your eyes
Deep into the brown
I want to look at you and say
This is it
That is all
And then to walk away into another world
Tell me I am bad, tell me I am good
Tell me I cam mix it all
And make it understood
Please tell me I do wrong, even this is right
I just want to mix it all
And get it through the night
I want to look in to your eyes
Into the deep deep brown
I want you to say
This is it
That is all
Tell me it is time to walk away
Into another world
Cuts turn into scars, I covered them with new clothes
A Soft eye surrounded by wrinkles- must be hidden by colored powders
On my cold feet I stretched a mesh and assembled leggings
I well did fixed my steps with my blue heels shoes
Every day I pick more flowers, cutting off the stalk’s petal
I put them in the office, in the kitchen, in the bedroom
In the blood of my heart, in the depth of my guts
Parallel universes and quantificational objects-
Says the angel who has accompanied me until now
Parallel universes and quantificational objects.
Please
Hold
My drooping hand
And tell it to clench
How I used to swing like a glass of wine with no yeast
Move with no wind and think about the sadness that fills all of me
How I am stirring now the life inside of the death
And in fact nothing has changed during the last months
Someone cut the rope for me
And left me tied up
Someone cut the rope for me and left me
Left me all alone
Holding onto what was already ripped and soon there is no rope anymore
Someone cut the rope for me
And I am still tied up
How I used to stand with my face to the wind and think about meaning and beat
Feeling my desires behind a delusional screen
And in fact nothing has changed because it is the same nothing during months
Someone cut the rope for me
And I am still tied up
Someone cut the rope for me and left me
Left me all alone
Holding onto what was already ripped and soon there is no rope anymore
Who cut my rope
And who left me tied up
I am a dying sister 